Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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