Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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