Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
