the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
