Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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