and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
