Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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