I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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