You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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