um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
