FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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