Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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