Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
