is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
