Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize