went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
