well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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