I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
