Got a toothbrush?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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