OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
