it wasn't lemon gatorade
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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