I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
