Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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