please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
