What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
