Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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