we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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