I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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