I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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