she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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