He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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