so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
