I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
