she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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