I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
