Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am one with the molecules
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
