We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
