I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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