Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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