I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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