:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its about making memories worth repressing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
