I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
