i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize