Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
