Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
