Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
