he shaved USA in his pubs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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