Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
