I think I have vodka in my lungs
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
