if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
