i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
