He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
