I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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