Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
