She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
