So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
