I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
