So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
