A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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