dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
