I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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