Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
