I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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