He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
